pfloyd: (Default)
( Jun. 28th, 2007 10:17 am)
I really have nothing to rant about today.
And that's a good thing.

Today started off like any other summer weekday. Colleen got up early and went for a walk while I slept in past 700am. Marcus started to stir after she got back, and I helped get him up and ready before grabbing a shower.
When I left around 800am, he was already dressed and they were doing the breakfast thing while the Wiggles were playing on the DVD.
I stopped at DD and got a Sobe Coolatta, and then stopped Hannaford's to grab a box of banana Twinkies. Yes, the original flavor is back. If you remember eating them before this past month, then you're older than you let on, because the last time they produced these was back during WWII, before shortages forced them to cut out the banana and go to the bland "vanilla" creme flavor we all adore. I gotta tell you, these are addictive. The other day, I was gagging for one after I had my lunch, and I forgot to pick up a pack during my typical morning stop for daily supplies. Now I'm set for a few days.

So while our illustrious Red Sox have dropped the last three to Seattle, I see that the Yankess have fumbled their last four, and are now two games behind Toronto... and Toronto's nine behind us. Plus, Boston is leading the entire American League... with the LA Angels a mere single game behind us. Let us not forget that we're just about halfway through the season here, with the All-Star break coming up. Anything can happen. Schilling could blow out his ankle again. The Yankees could come down with a major case of food poisoning. Tampa Bay could experience a miracle and actually win each and every game in the second half of the season and come out on top.
Yeah... and they'll make Twinkies taste like chicken-fried steak next. (Don't laugh... I've seen a place that makes and sells bacon-flavored ice cream.)

"The goodness of the true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability." — Edgar Allan Poe, Marginalia, 1849

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted." —Fred Allen

Mother Lion and Father Lion had gone off hunting, and had told their two children not to wander away. However, a couple of small wildebeests wandered by, and the baby lions could not resist the temptation to try out their own hunting skills. They ran out, chased after the animals, killed them, and started eating them.

Just as the baby lions were reaching the end of their meal, the parents appeared in the distance. One of the baby lions turned to the other, and said: "That is the end of the gnus. Here again are the head lions."
pfloyd: (Default)
( May. 3rd, 2007 03:18 pm)
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was
manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of
the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be
the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This
would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to
Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The
ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and were eagerly
awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so
great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still
observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May
5th and is known, of course, As Sinko de Mayo.

WHAT!!!! You expected something educational.
pfloyd: (Default)
( May. 11th, 2006 09:19 am)
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says... )
pfloyd: (Default)
( May. 9th, 2006 09:09 am)
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it!"
The blonde says, "Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says,... )


pfloyd: (Default)


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