After this past Monday and a visit to Aspen Dental, I only have one line to day, courtesy of Mr D Tennant...

"Mm... new teeth... that's weird..."

Got the real ones. Uppers fit great. Lowers need a bit of an adjustment.

For a laugh, check out Not Always Right

Link fixed.
pfloyd: (Default)
( May. 11th, 2006 09:19 am)
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says... )
pfloyd: (Default)
( May. 9th, 2006 09:09 am)
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it!"
The blonde says, "Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says,... )
pfloyd: (Default)
( Apr. 28th, 2006 01:41 pm)
President Clinton was arriving back at Andrews AFB on Air Force One after a trip across the country. The Commandant of the Marines was there to greet him. He was surprised to see the President disembarking from Air Force One with a pig under each arm.
"Fine looking pigs, Sir," the commandant said.
"These aren't pigs, commandant," said President Clinton, "these are hogs."
"Fine looking hogs, sir."
"These aren't just any hogs, they're Arkansas razorback hogs."
"Outstanding hogs, sir!"
President Clinton held them up a little higher. "I got them for Chelsea and Hillary."
"Nice trade, Sir!"

Just because we could all use a laugh...
Back in the first Gulf War, an Army general was inspecting a forward observation unit. This unit was stuck out in a deserted village in the middle of nowhere, with hardly any transportation. All their supplies and such had to be brought in by helicopter.
"So what do you do to keep morale up," he asked the sergeant who was giving him the tour.
"Well, each supply chopper brings in magazines and books, and every week, the guys get fifteen minutes on the sat-phone to call home," he answered.
There was a pause in the talking as they continued on.
"But what happens if... if a fellow... gets... well... lonely way out here?" asked the general.
"Oh, for that we have the camel," the sergeant replied, hooking his thumb over to a pen which contained a camel.
The general nodded, and the tour continued.
Later on that night, the general lay in his tent, and began to feel, well, lonely. He tried to suppress it as much as he could, but it just wouldn't go away.
Feeling slightly embarassed, the general slipped out of his tent, and made his way to the camel pen.
After a few moments of figuring out the logistics of his endeavor, he grabbed a small folding ladder, and placed it behind the camel, who barely took notice of him. The general took down his trousers, and began to... well... do his business.
The camel let out such a racket, waking the entire post. The sergeant from earlier that day ran over to the pen to see what was going on. After witnessing the general in his state of flagrante delicto, he quickly stated, "General, we use the camel to ride into town!"


pfloyd: (Default)


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